what I think about in the shower

I'm sure I am dying
my head is going to explode
or my balls are rotting off, maybe
and they touch everything else
so it's all gonna go
I can't see a doctor
He will lay me in a white bed
with tubes in my veins
tubes down my throat
a tube up my knob
the very idea!
my poor veins

I don't like to think of anything going OUT of my veins
and I sure as FUCK
don't want anything going in!

a tube down my throat

what is that for
you didn't even ask me if I WANTED to keep breathing

a tube up my knob

Come now, Doctor.
Are we not both gentlemen?

and I will never allow you
to expose me to radiation
unless it is your intention to make me
an Incredible Fucking Hulk
no, not me, I can't
please
I will wither beneath those rays
I will become weak and impotent
would you take from me what little strength I have?
I refuse treatment
I will die like a man
oh god I am dying
what am I going to do
I am a little shit of a man
I won't have to go to work tomorrow
I won't have to have a future
I will have to decide who to take with me
to Walt Disney World
for my last hurrah
what if I invite people who don't like each other
will they pretend to get along for my sake
what if they tell me I should not drink alcohol in my condition
are you allowed to drink alcohol at Disney World?
fuck you I am dying I will drink what I want

Complaints

all of my friends are gone
and I've used up my best ideas
the election has become boring
and I'm tired of prizefighting
there's no one I want in my bed
and nothing I want in my mouth
there's never anything to eat around here