a lady comes into the bookstore

a lady comes into the bookstore
every day, to buy a candy bar
and a diet pepsi
I think she used to have some cancer
anyway, yesterday she came
and we were all out of diet pepsi
I asked her
if she would like to try
a diet cherry pepsi
she said
do you want me to BARF

every artist you respect

every artist you respect
has, at one time or another
tried to marry
his 14 year old cousin

for my next trick

I will press my tiny face
into your tiny
beer belly
until I see can see the stars

Song to Leonard Cohen

imagine if Leonard Cohen emerged today
into a crowd of bonnaroos
wailing about Nazi daggers and unborn childs
Would there be anyone to waste their breath
and cry fascist

Song to the Bohemian Angel Who Took My Order at the Downtown Hipster Deli Counter

I'll have a hamburger with cheese to go so I can eat it alone, in my room with my pants down while I watch Wrestlemania

what you are made of is atoms

I don't mind ugly people
just so long as they are very skinny
and young, and in love
and wearing clothes that don't fit
and riding the bus
and the girl is holding onto the boy
and the boy is looking back at the girl
as if they both live in a constant state
of reassuring one another
that everything will be alright

that is the kind of ugly person
I want to be
instead of the ugly person
that I am

I want to talk to them
but it is hard to know what to say
when you know you're not allowed to say
Hey guys
May I stare at you forever

The Wilds

I don't touch your face
as much as you want
and I'm sorry
but in the wilds of my mind
there are wolves
they say to me
"Touch her bottom"