an enormous man walked into my store this morning
and made a show of scrutinizing
the pens, the calculators
this charade went on for ten minutes
at which point he was like
OH LOOK, YOU HAVE SNACKS
MIGHT AS WELL GET SOME COMBOS
WHILE I'M HERE
and I was like
lol who you fooling, fat man
you came in here with one thought in your head:
nacho cheese
At this he began to sob
into the round, pink folds of his face
so I kicked him in the ass
and told him not to come back
until he had made a life for himself
that less closely resembled that of a slug
Who should appear at that moment
but Theodore Roosevelt
riding atop his steed, to award me
the Presidential Medal of Amazing Freedom
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